


Human

by j_louise



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:55:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27272290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_louise/pseuds/j_louise
Summary: The Doctor loves Rose for her humanity. Her imperfections, her desire to follow her instincts, and her warmth. He is still recovering from the effects of everything he's been through but it's the little things she does that start to make him feel better.
Relationships: Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Human

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I don't even know if this makes sense. I was overcome with feelings about how Nine feels about Rose and I sort of just let it spill out of me. Or spill out of him, in a way. Anyway, please enjoy and let me know if it's not complete nonsense!

She is so human. 

And that’s why he loves her. For all his comments about “stupid apes”, he loves her for her humanity. She’s not cognition and coldness and making a decision when no one else will. No, she’s instinct and warmth and defying the odds through pure force of will. She is nothing like him, nothing like what he’s become, nothing like what he’s come to understand the world to be. No matter how much he travels, no matter how many universes he sees, she is the thing that reminds him that the world is so much bigger than it seems sometimes. 

Sometimes it scares him because it makes him wonder. It makes him think that maybe if he were a little more like her he would have made a different decision. He would have done it better. He would have been able to save his people. His family, his friends. She makes him believe that it’s better to follow your heart rather than your head sometimes. And then all he can think is that he’s glad she never has had to make a decision like that, and that it’s his head that keeps her safe when she goes rushing headfirst into danger without thinking, and he will keep doing that no matter the cost. 

But still. 

She blows him away. Her imperfection blows him away. The way sometimes she can’t be bothered to brush her hair so she ties it up, knots creating a birds nest on her head. It’s the tiniest thing. So silly, so human. But he feels warmth grow inside him whenever he sees her tug her hair up, slapdash, and stroll out of the TARDIS doors without a second thought. He loves that so often she says completely the wrong thing and, quite without either of them realising, it turns out to be exactly the right thing. After their first trip together, after seeing the Earth die, he tells her that his planet burnt. He opens up, doesn’t tell her the awful secret that he’s the reason it’s gone, but he tells her and he’s scared. Scared she will feel awkward, scared she will pity him, scared she will see him as damaged or a charity case or an emotional wreck or someone to keep an eye on in case he has a breakdown. He forces the words out, trying to sound matter of fact, while his heart hammers and aches. He hopes she doesn’t cry for him. He sees the look of concern pass over her face and thinks ‘ Oh, here we go’. But all she does is remind him that she’s there with him and says she can smell chips and that she wants some. He feels the corners of his mouth twitch, before growing into a proper laugh as he looks around him. And just like that, she’s dragged him out of his head and into the world - the human race bustling around him, going about their menial, unimportant tasks, and yes. He can smell chips. He likes chips. Suddenly, she’s made it all very simple. For the next hour or so he can sit with a person he likes, eating chips and not worrying that she’s going to disappear. It’s just a bit of a weight off, if he’s honest. After everything. 

She is also very tactile, which takes a bit of getting used to. She doesn’t seem to think twice about it, grabbing his hand or holding onto his arm or pressing her face into his shoulder or chest when she’s scared or sad. Not that he has a problem with touch exactly, but he can’t say he seeks out affection. Although he starts to wonder, after a while, whether subconsciously he craves it. He’ll grab someone’s arm to pull them out of the way, hold their hand to show them what the turn of the Earth feels like, or simply to stop them from running off. Very practical reasons, he thinks. When Rose does it, he can’t even pretend it’s not for the sake of pure affection, comfort, closeness. It’s strange. Strange that his skin on hers can make her feel better, or safer. At first, he feels uncomfortable. Not in a way where he wants it to stop, definitely not, but just that he doesn’t know quite what to do. If he’s giving her what he needs. He either tries to stand still, not move, but that feels awkward. Either that, or he tries to reciprocate and rub a thumb over the back of her hand, or wrap an arm around her shoulders. That feels awkward too, at first, as if he’s just made it completely crystal clear that he doesn’t know what she wants or how to provide it. He becomes self conscious and cringes internally while his expression remains as stoic as ever. After a while though, it becomes normal. He gets used to her affection, and he assumes it can’t be too awful for her because she hasn’t stopped yet. So, slowly, he starts to relax. Then, he starts to appreciate it too. The hard bumps of her knuckles under his fingertips. The squeeze of her hand around his arm, fingers curling slightly into his leather jacket so it pulls against his arm. It feels solid, grounding, keeps him present. His favourite thing, he thinks, is how she feels when they hug. She’s so solid yet soft at the same time. She presses into him, as if she’s trying to get as close as possible, and it’s sweet and open and honest. He loves her warmth most of all. Her warmth against his front, spreading and transferring into his chest, and she’s so alive. So alive, and vibrant, and he can feel her there with him. He knows it’s just the transference of heat energy, but it amazes him - the way that her closeness can literally change his very being. Make his molecules vibrate at a different rate. As much as she tries to be close to him, she always seems to pull away with ease, and he feels himself ache every time. 

The thing about Rose and her silly human life is that it gives him perspective. Her life has been simple. She has had to make simple decisions about simple problems. Not like him, not burdened with being the man who has the responsibility for planets, universes, entire species. When one man’s life is in danger, Rose feels it so deeply, as if it’s the most awful thing she’s ever experienced. It probably is. Sometimes, to the Doctor, one man can feel very small. One particle in the makeup of the body of the universe. She reminds him that one person, one normal person, is worth a hell of a lot. The way she is to him. It reminds him too, that the decision he had to make, the experiences he had in the war were not normal. They were huge, and most beings in the universe never have to cope with something on the scale of what he went through. The reminder is upsetting, it hurts. But it’s good too, because it means he gets to feel sad for himself. He can feel sad that his friends and family are all gone. He can feel sad that his home is gone. He can feel sad that he is no longer part of something bigger than himself. He can feel sad that he had to go through something that no one should ever have to go through. And if he didn’t deserve what he went through, then that means he is worth something. He is not just the man that destroyed his own species. He is not just the man who needs to repress his feelings just to get through the day without breaking down. He is not just the man too stupid to find another way to save his own planet. 

He is the man who makes her smile with his silly jokes and quick remarks. He is the man who can protect her from the things that scare her. He is the man who can tell her things that no one else on her silly little planet knows. And that’s huge. 

Of course, she is as she is, as she always was. He cannot redeem her in the way she has him, because she was always fiery and bold and kind, long before he came along. She is lovely, and he wants to make her happy. That’s it, that’s all. That’s all he will ask for. In the end, his favourite thing about Rose Tyler is that she makes it all so simple.


End file.
